god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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