Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
