I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
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