I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
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He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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