he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
