I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
