The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
