is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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