Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
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