9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize