you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
