i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
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