I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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