my shit smells like andre
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
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