Someone shit on the floor
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
you mean i was at the winter classic?
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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