Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize