My hand turned me down
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Randomize
