woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
