this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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