Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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