He kissed a someone with a penis
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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