ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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