Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Never underestimate the power of titties
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