I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
This is classic penis vs brain.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
