just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
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