birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
