i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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