oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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