I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
