Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Randomize
