haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I am naked and annoyed.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Randomize
