I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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