I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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