His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I need water and some morals
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Randomize
