Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
