i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
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