Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize