Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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