Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
