We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
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