I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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