i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Randomize
