I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
is that a dick in a sweater?
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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