Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
is wine microwaveable?
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
