I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
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Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
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I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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