oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.