Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?