You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal