Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(810): View more from Michigan

oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno

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(512): View more from Texas

I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra

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(917): View more from New York City

your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?

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(435): View more from Utah

Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...

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21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
Read it at the TFLN blog
(732): View more from New Jersey

He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.

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(502): View more from Kentucky

I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.

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(256): View more from Alabama

It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?

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(617): View more from Massachusetts

Do you think the firemen will remember me?

(315): View more from New York

Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.

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(512): View more from Texas

My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo

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