Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.