At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
