Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
