she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
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