I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Randomize
