don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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