dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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