Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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