i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Randomize
