shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
