We won't sleep together?
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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