I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
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