He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
