Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Still dying that you shit outside
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Randomize
