im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
