Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Randomize
