After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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