pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
