It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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