I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
