well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
