Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize