he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
