They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
