We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
The Olympian is in my bed
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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