he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
