he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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