the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
