did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
